I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
