I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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