I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize
