Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
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