forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
