i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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