I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
