If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
