in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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