You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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