i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
