you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
