does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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