you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
