The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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