There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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