Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
