Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
