Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I need water and some morals
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
