farters have to be the big spoon...
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Can I color on your dick again?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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