I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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