I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
did you just send me my own nude
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
