We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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