There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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