The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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