I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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