I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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