oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
