I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
