I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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