he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
