K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
3 2 1 whiskey
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
