I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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