She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
