He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
