I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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