fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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