She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
