You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
