You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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