next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
