My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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