I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
