I think my fart just growled at me.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
