When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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