He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
