It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
