he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
