Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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