Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
