were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
