when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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