Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
