Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
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