i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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