We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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