If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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