I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He shit in the fireplace
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