I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
