u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize