Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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