There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
