i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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