I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
