i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You are the jesus of drinking
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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