She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
