I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
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