my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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