I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I think I just sharted jello shots
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
