i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
