when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
