My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
