the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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