i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
